TikTok might be back from the dead for the moment, but Pet Cemetery was one of my favorite movies as a kid so I won’t be jumping back on the app for the foreseeable future.

Well, that’s not quite true. I have posted a couple of book promo videos, but I don’t know that I’ll continue. The part of me that’s fueled by spite wants to post the spiciest excerpts of my smutty books. But the part of me that’s low on time and energy is having a hard time giving a fuck.

The truth of it is, I started going through my stages of TikTok grief a while ago.

I wasn’t an early adopter but I was among the wave of users that joined during the pandemic. For me it was early 2021. I held out because I was concerned about security and didn’t care for the viral videos I often saw. I downloaded the app only to make it easier to view the videos my friends sent. 

A resource for personal growth and discovery

One night I read an article about the app’s uncanny ability to find bisexual users, often before the user themselves realized they were bi. At the time, I was still working through figuring out my own sexuality. I hadn’t yet uttered the words aloud let alone come out to my husband.

With barely any effort I found bisexual content that validated my experience and answered a lot of my questions. I came out publicly—on TikTok—a few months later.

I also found ADHD content and it was really fucking relatable. Six months later I had an official ADHD diagnosis and a Concerta prescription. 

I finished my MCU movie binge in December 2020 and Marvel was my latest hyperfixation. I found Marvel content and it was really fucking fun. I’d been out of creative spaces for more than five years at that point and I didn’t realize how much I’d been craving those conversations. 

I learned all the Black and Indigenous history I wasn’t taught in school. Everything I know about the Partition between India and Pakistan came from Ms Marvel and the Pakistani content creators that shared more context. I learned a lot because I listened a lot.

I’ve never been good at using my actual voice to express myself and I hate the way I look on camera. I went into print journalism for a reason. But, I worked through my own insecurities, and put my face out into the world for strangers to see. There’s a direct line from getting comfortable on camera to being able to publish my creative work after decades of hiding it from people.

Grieving TikTok’s Expiration of Life

The people that made up TikTok brought me so much growth and joy. 

But by 2023 I had grown exhausted and frustrated by the app.

I had a kindergartener adjusting to being back in school for the first time in three years. I was still mentally broken from years of lockdown. I barely had the creative energy to make content and when I did it wasn’t being pushed to my audience. 

My views tanked as soon as I hit 1,000 followers which was around the time I was starting to promote my writing. As soon as I could put a link in my bio, my growth stalled and the pressure to advertise increased.

Some of my favorite creators were already moving to other platforms because their work was being suppressed and their accounts banned. They were being harassed and doxxed and TikTok refused to do anything about it. Content is regularly stolen and impersonators continue to profit off someone else’s work. And when that happens, there’s no recourse because only TikTok only gives a fuck about verified accounts. I was reporting harassment and fraud constantly only for reports to come back with no violation found.

And I think that’s when I started grieving TikTok. 

It was no longer a fun place for me to be creative. Video content just felt too loud and overstimulating for my current emotional state. I imagine that’s why I latched onto Threads when it launched.

I had a similar experience with Twitter. I was skeptical at first, but quickly found a creative ecosystem that made me happy. Then it inevitably became a dumpster fire and I stepped away. When I finally returned, too much had changed and I struggled to find my place. And as soon as I felt I was figuring it out, a bunch of old white men came and threw gasoline on the fire.

TikTok’s stunt with shutting down the app and resurrecting it 12 hours later with praise for Trump was louder propaganda than I anticipated. I never expected an improved TikTok when it came back online, but I didn’t expect their message to be so blunt.

At this point, I’m not sure I’ll get back on there with any consistency.

Where you can find my content (in order of how much effort I’m putting into it):

Newsletter

Hits inboxes every couple weeks. Has exclusive content like short stories, sticker charts, and bonus scenes. 

The Dopamine Trail: Blog 

Long form ramblings about random shit. 

Threads

Meta is problematic as fuck, but I have an established audience and friend group on this app and this is the void I prefer screaming into. 

Pinterest

I’m putting way more effort into Pinterest these days because it’s showing me the most potential for reaching new readers. I have boards for content specific to each book and general boards for inspiration and visuals. 

YouTube

The new TikTok. Maybe. We’ll see how it goes. 

Bluesky

Trying to use this a bit more often and more more intentional writing and bookish content

Instagram

Book promotion with a sprinkling of other stuff. I’ve been over Instagram for a long time now but how Meta’s new mAsCuliNe eNeRgY impacts the app will determine how much effort I put into it. I’m really looking to move away from it, though. 

Tumblr

I so want to make Tumblr work. I dusted off my own Dog Mom account from 2013 and updated it. I just feel so old and clueless there. Like the Boomer who can’t convert PDFs. I need some kind of Tumblr guide.

Facebook

I have a presence there only because several groups require me to. I wanted to drop this app years ago. It’s really not the best place to catch my content or interact with me.